yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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