I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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