So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Green mimosas i think yes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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