Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
