During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
