dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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