Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
