You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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