There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need to sanitize my soul.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize