it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
