If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
