I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize