quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
