Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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