Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
