Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
