is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
