Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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