you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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