its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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