It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
