everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
