i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
