LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
