so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
