i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
