the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Randomize
