I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I deserve this hangover.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize