I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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