Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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