Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
