the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
