I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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