I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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