Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
