she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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