Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
