There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
