all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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