3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
