On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
