on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
