She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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