Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
