apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
