she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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