Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize