A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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