Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
