his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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