do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
