you guys were way drunker than both of me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize