Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
