i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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