I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
