I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
