Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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