420 ftw
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
