he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
