Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
