im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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