he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
