It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize