my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize