So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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