she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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