Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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