I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
