hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
