I'm going to jail i love you
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
