imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
