so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
