I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
