found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
