We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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