Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
