I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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