Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
