Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
