I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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