Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
