so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
