I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
this is an emotional support booty call
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
