I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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