She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
