god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
