I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
