my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
