He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
