I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
