Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
