i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
