well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Boobs speak an international language.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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