Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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