Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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