I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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