My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm really into asian looking animals
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
