dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
