Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
