Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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