I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
