Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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