rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
