No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
